Pre-Visit Nerves

It’s no secret this go-around with ITP has been stressful. I thought by now I would be close to finishing another round of Rituxan, but since Dr. Ahn retired, no such luck.

Tomorrow I see my new hematologist again, he’s taking blood and after the results come back (within 10-15 minutes), a plan will be crafted. Why the nerves? I’m afraid of once again being told I need to “wait” for treatment.

Because my platelets can drop to zero pretty quickly, there is no sense in waiting around for it to happen. Unfortunately, ITP treatment varies by doctor and some are willing to wait until I get very low. I know my body well enough to know that will come quick, so acting now is best. After all, we wouldn’t wait until cancer reached a more advanced stage before issuing chemo. ITP should be treated no differently.

This is a short blog tonight, I need to try and get some rest, but I wanted to document my nervousness because I know there are other patients out there like me. I guess this is “normal”, but it shouldn’t be. I should be able to access the treatment that saved my life once before. I’m chasing that “new normal” I started blogging about almost five years ago. I want to go back to being myself, not living week to week between lab appointments.

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